[x] From Rachel Tietz’s video The Notebook Sucks

(Source: thatchickwiththegifs, via wilde-is-on-mine)

mscrosswords:

purrversatility:

amydentata:

impalable:

dailymurf:

YES

The learn how to deal with rejection one is my favorite. Seriously, props to whoever wrote that one. It’s a nice way to say that the friendzone is a bullshit term.

This is wonderful.

I love these! These are great!

I want to hang these up at play parties.

Tip #1Learn how to manage your sex drive. The person you’re interesting in doesn’t owe you a response.Tip #2Make consent part of your approach. Ask. Offer. Don’t assume or guess. Respect the answer.Tip #3Learn how to deal with rejection. Rejection hurts, but your feelings are your responsibility.Tip #4Deal with the fact that many women are bombarded with sexual interest, invitations, harassment, groping, and worse on an almost constant basis.Tip #5Deal with the possibility that she’ll receive your interest differently than you intend. Disengage.Tip #6If you slip up (and everyone does) learn how to make amends. Acknowledge it, offer an apology, and step back.

mscrosswords:

purrversatility:

amydentata:

impalable:

dailymurf:

YES

The learn how to deal with rejection one is my favorite. Seriously, props to whoever wrote that one. It’s a nice way to say that the friendzone is a bullshit term.

This is wonderful.

I love these! These are great!

I want to hang these up at play parties.

Tip #1
Learn how to manage your sex drive. The person you’re interesting in doesn’t owe you a response.

Tip #2
Make consent part of your approach. Ask. Offer. Don’t assume or guess. Respect the answer.

Tip #3
Learn how to deal with rejection. Rejection hurts, but your feelings are your responsibility.

Tip #4
Deal with the fact that many women are bombarded with sexual interest, invitations, harassment, groping, and worse on an almost constant basis.

Tip #5
Deal with the possibility that she’ll receive your interest differently than you intend. Disengage.

Tip #6
If you slip up (and everyone does) learn how to make amends. Acknowledge it, offer an apology, and step back.

(Source: yoke, via jadedthings)

how to have sex with a survivor* —

inmidnightblood:

borninflames82:

festeringfemme:

  1. don’t expect it of us. like, this is a given, absolutely, but between partners with varying experiences and sex drives… this has been a constant struggle for me in relationships. every person i’ve been in a relationship with could never fully reconcile that sex and a relationship were not inherently tied. our relationship did not give them a pass to intimacy. my lack of desire for intimacy for stretches of time would, to them, signify a failed relationship. that impression on their part in turn made me feel like a failure. that fucks up relationships. that fucked me up. whether or not you are a survivor, sex should never be expected of you. ever. and someone who believes they deserve that from you under any circumstances is a piece of shit.
  2. on that note, don’t plan sex. partners of mine have often tried to be seductive in saying things like, “i can’t wait to do this to you later tonight…” but, to me, that simply meant that it became an obligation for me. that made sex an obligation. and, therefore, it made sex undesirable. i would feel this pressure to perform for them rather than to engage in sex for my own pleasure and it became this thing where i would attempt to start for them but i could never fully commit because i felt pressured. not to say this is what my partner was intending. at all. but it affected me negatively.
  3. don’t make our kinks about our sexual trauma. yeah, me, personally? i really like being choked. a lot. but don’t ruin the pleasure of that by tying it into my trauma. is it your place to figure out the source of my kinks or is it your role as my partner to realize pleasure with me? we both know the answer to that. don’t “figure out” how your partner has been affected by their sexual trauma. what does your curiosity have to gain except for the make your partner feel dissected? partners have done that to me, and all it did was make me feel like personality was compartmentalized into pre- and post-rape.
  4. validate us outside of our sex life. i have long felt that my worth is perceived by others as purely sexual, and this was horribly exacerbated by my assault. while i love feeling desired by my partners, if that is heavily emphasized over the other aspects of our relationship, i will withdraw. i will resent them for seeing my purely in that light, and i will often be triggered. even when having casual sex, or sex in any capacity without a committed relationship, respect is key. making me feel like a whole, full human rather than only your sex partner is vital to my comfort and feeling of safety.
  5. use a safe word. it can be as simple as “wait.” it doesn’t matter what the word is. its function is purely to remind us that we hold power over our sexual interactions and it will always stop if we want or need it to. when i begin the spiral and feel like sex is becoming less mine and purely yours, having a word to center us and bring us back together and to affirm my own control makes a world of difference.

*i have received asks about this in the past, and felt it made sense to share a general post to address some issues i have answered asks on. this does not mean that my issues are the issues of all survivors, or that non-survivors can’t share these issues with me. these are things that i have experienced and i have come to this understanding of them.

#2 is like my life story

(Source: petitsirena)

fuckyeahsexpositivity:

methodistcoloringbook:

aloadai:

oo1. boobs are really, really awesome. like seriously. they’re the most universally appealing body part, and no one’s going to fault you for liking them. i totally get that you’re turned on by them! but let’s get something straight. awesome boobs are not an invitation.

sometimes it’s hot out and i don’t feel like having extra clothing on just so you won’t check me out. or sometimes, maybe i am in the mood to show off! but even then, my boobs aren’t an automatic “yes.” no matter how slutty you think i look, no matter how turned on you might be, an awesome rack is not a substitute for consent.

oo2. like most people around the world, i enjoy having fun! and sometimes, that fun might involve drinking, or the use of other mind-altering substances. rules are a little different when you’re drunk. you can act sillier and tell stupid jokes and maybe even get away with dancing on the table!

but you know what you can’t get away with? not establishing consent! no matter how drunk you are, i am, or we all are, boundaries still exist. you still have to make sure that your potential bedmate is cool with bumping uglies, no matter if you’ve been together three years or known each other’s names for three minutes. and use whatever judgment you have left: if they’re too far under the influence to drive home, they’re probably too far under the influence to give true consent.

oo3. society seems to really have a thing about people who are on the larger side. there’s so much body shaming in today’s world, and a lot of it is just totally accepted. you may think that since i am fat, i’m desperate for any vague sign of affection, so i’ll be okay with you doing whatever you want to me. i really hate to disappoint, but if you think that i’m a loser who should feel lucky to be touched, you’re going to have a bad time.

no one is lucky to get raped. no one is lucky to face unwanted sexual advances. no one is lucky to be harassed. the rules don’t change when someone’s above a size twelve.

oo4. it’s pretty obvious that most people in the world enjoy sex, otherwise we wouldn’t be here. i for one am totally into sex! if i could have sex all day, i totally would. you know how there’s that stupid rumor that men think about sex every seven seconds? well it’s not stupid, because i totally think about sex that often. 

however, that doesn’t mean that i’m down to fuck anyone any time. you may have heard that i’ll sleep with anyone. maybe i slept with your friend. hell, maybe we even slept together once! but no matter what, you’ve still got to get that “yes.” i enjoy sex with respectful partners who understand boundaries. i don’t enjoy being degraded, pressured, or having assumptions made about me. most people don’t, so why press your luck?

oo5. and speaking of assumptions… sexuality is hugely complex. you wouldn’t want your preferences to be generalized, so don’t do it to anyone else! i’ve slept with girls; that does not mean i will sleep with all girls. i’ve been tied up; that does not mean you can tie me up. i’ve had threesomes; that does not mean that i will have a threesome with you and your buddy.

oo6. you are not owed sex. there, i said it. no matter what you do for me, there is no situation i can think of where i owe you sex. if you take me out for dinner, or help me move in to a new apartment, or proofread my angry letter to urban outfitters, i’ll be really grateful! i might make bake you something, or buy you a twelve-pack of steel reserve. and if we’re already close, it might make me fall incredibly in love with you and we could end up fucking on the living room floor, don’t get me wrong!

i just won’t owe that to you. when you do something nice for someone, you’re doing it out of the goodness of your own heart. if you’re doing it expecting something in return, you’re not doing something nice. you’re trying to perform an underhanded deal. if you want to arrange for me to owe you sex, let me know outright, so i can know that you’re not a decent person at all, just a scummy scum scum who gets off on forcing people into uncomfortable situations. 

oo7. and here’s the big one. you’ve probably heard “no means no” a million times, and we all like to think we’re the kind of person who, if our partner said no, we’d stop right away. but consent is more than not being told no. it’s being told yes. enthusiastically. 

if your partner isn’t saying no, but also isn’t saying yes, take a step back and examine the situation. this boils down to being a moral human being. sure, if your partner doesn’t say no, it might be more difficult for you to get convicted of rape. but are you the kind of person that thinks it’s okay to take advantage of someone on a technicality? please don’t be.

it’s up to you to make sure that your partner feels comfortable, safe, and okay, and it’s up to you to take a step back if they don’t. be the responsible person, because the only person who can prevent rape is YOU. 

holy shit, this is the bestest

This makes me happy.

(via sapphrikah)

inmidnightblood:

[img: a still from the short film skate bitches. two people facing each other and smiling in a yard. yellow text at the bottom reads, “I’d totally make out with you if you ever wanted to make out with me.”]

inmidnightblood:

[img: a still from the short film skate bitches. two people facing each other and smiling in a yard. yellow text at the bottom reads, “I’d totally make out with you if you ever wanted to make out with me.”]

(Source: teeveedinner)

femonster:

Stomp & Holler, Northampton MA. October 22, 2011
Sign reads: It’s not SEX without CONSENT

femonster:

Stomp & Holler, Northampton MA. October 22, 2011

Sign reads: It’s not SEX without CONSENT

(via consensual)

thelingerieaddict:

Gotta get serious here for a second because this is the stone cold truth.
reiminister:

Photo by: Scott Barbour

thelingerieaddict:

Gotta get serious here for a second because this is the stone cold truth.

reiminister:

Photo by: Scott Barbour

(Source: majorreisman, via goth-waffles)

omnivory:

Via ambidextrously-erotic:amydentata

terror-incognita:

flaggingopinicusrampant, ‘on rejection and power’

Swiftly and graciously accepting rejection is a cornerstone of radical consent. It hurts, but if you really believe in sexual autonomy, you just have to suck it up — without pleading or wheedling or demanding…

genderbitch:

ladycaloon:

This is so awesome!

Little heterocentric though.

genderbitch:

ladycaloon:

This is so awesome!

Little heterocentric though.

(Source: , via birdswithclippedtips)

lioneater:

Communication is very important to me.  I am still learning how to communicate during physical/sexual activity, especially when I am with someone who is not used to being explicit about consent. When someone progresses without checking in with me, I am immediately turned off and need to stop. I encourage everyone to practice consent (yes, practice! It makes perfect!) and talk to their partners (even casual partners) about boundaries and the need for communication in every interaction. ASK!

lioneater:

Communication is very important to me.  I am still learning how to communicate during physical/sexual activity, especially when I am with someone who is not used to being explicit about consent. When someone progresses without checking in with me, I am immediately turned off and need to stop. I encourage everyone to practice consent (yes, practice! It makes perfect!) and talk to their partners (even casual partners) about boundaries and the need for communication in every interaction. ASK!